D's hub

cool

2005-09-24T00:35:00.000+08:00

been a long time since i had anything good to blog about so i refrained from blogging but here i am again.

just went out with donn and clare today. been ages, and i do mean ages since i last saw them both. we caught a movie and dinner. well, we caught a movie then donn had to leave because of something.

the myth is an excellent movie. it has all the typical jackie film essence with a little history mixed in it. heh, enough spoilers i guess. =P

the LIVE music at fish and co ain't that~ nice. it ain't as nice as i expected it to be. the guitar was alright. maybe it was the the whole sound/hi-fi system that didn't bring out the singer's full potential.

anyway, i just hope to do these kinda things more often. don't get to see my friends as much as i would love to already.

well, that's all for now. =)

a long post

2005-09-04T12:46:00.000+08:00

just came home from a walk in the rain. it's been years since i did that. i remember i was still in secondary school when i last pulled something like that. a lot has happened in the past few days, just thought a nice little walk might clear my head. just like the last time i took a walk.

the last time was quite a long walk. kept walking on that long stretch of road, trying to fix my own feelings, due to pauline incidents. but that walk was on a bright sunny day. there was rain today but it felt a bit small. i didn't really get soaking wet but it felt good when the rain kept hitting down on me, little by little. and she ain't involved this tome round. haven't really heard from her recently.

oh ya, mitchell replied to my good morning msg yesterday at 1am+. after 14 or so hours. still, i'm glad he replied. at least he ain't dead.

i think he's mad at me for showing his blog to someone else. but WTF was i supposed to do back then? see him die? heck, maybe i did overreact but i'd rather him be mad at me for life then to see him go like that. i just thought i could get his house address from one of his old friends. even if i couldn't make a valid report, i could go down there myself to stop him. he didn't really believe me so i had to give him some proof. ends up he didn't know his address either.

called my friend who work's down at the station. told him the situation and all. asked if toa payoh was under his area of duty. he said yes but he didn't report it to his superiors. why? he told me afterwards that he can't have his fellow officers rush out for a wild goose chase. he'll get a good scolding. understandable. lucky mitch turned out to be ok. if not i would have lost 2 good friends in 1 night.

never really believed in god, let alone prayed to him. but that night, i did. F, i looked up to the ceiling, praying in my heart, wishing he'd be alright. don't know what came over me. but i did what i did. didn't have anyone else i could turn to for help. now when i look back at it, i can't help but laugh. still, he didn't do it so i thanked god.

oh and grandma's in the hospital now. doctor says it ain't pretty. looking back, my grandmother took real good care of me. giving me the bigger piece of the cake everytime. makes my sister really jealous though. she was quite the bias grandparent. but she was at loggerheads with my father and wasn't really good to my mom either. but we're a family. my mom's been taking really good care of her. me... haven't really done anything i deem to be special. but yet she still sing praises of me from the little things i do to my mom.

am going to the hospital to see her later in the afternoon. i would have made her porridge or soup myself but, she can hardly swallow with no appetite at all.

oh fuck

2005-09-03T02:31:00.000+08:00

ok, went to partyworld again. sang my heart out. pretty much enjoyed myself. had to rush home because my grandmother is being hospitalised and all but i couldn't hail a cab at town so, took the normal way home instead. nothing too big, dont needa worry guys.

so i came home and decided to play some games and i heard from mitch. he startled me with a nick "it ends tonite". fuck man! and then he started saying some stupid polite stuff, thanking me and shit! i was like "i can't let him die!" spent about an hour trying to convince him to stop this stupid idea, using every means i could think of. nothing got through to him. am still trying to stop him. he says he's out smoking right now... am on the phone with elizae trying to work things out and think of ways to stop him.

man! dont die on my watch!

damn

2005-08-29T22:42:00.000+08:00

ok, i think i've finally lost it. have just gone from eccentric to insane. thinking about too much, snapping at people, namely family. the worst part is i can't tell right from wrong as clearly as i used to. damn, needa see a shrink soon. nobody knows my troubles nor my pains.

er... for the star wars lovers, i think i'm crossing over to the dark side... hahaha!

ok, i know some bozos are gotta make use of this post and crap away, but i couldn't care less.

oh please

2005-08-18T20:21:00.000+08:00

you don't know anything. c'mon! how well do you know me? you know nothing of my standards, the way i choose to live, the things i do, the hurting i've been through. you know nothing! do i even know you?

ok, i know more of that shit than you do. the so called philosophies of life. so save it. just don't talk as if you know me like the back of your hand. and keep the so called advice to yourself. what may work for you may not work for others. make sense?

Urgh

2005-08-18T00:38:00.000+08:00

oh boy. some people really have nothing better to do. honestly, i thank you for taking the time and posting a tag here, but...

anyway~ i'd choose a friend to be someone who'd share my pain and touch my wound with a warm and tender hand over someone who'd only give advice(crap), possible solutions or cures. in a heartbeat.

like i said, it's all eaiser said than done. and face it, nobody knows it like me. or rather no third person would understand. so no offence, but save it.

easier said than done

2005-08-13T23:12:00.000+08:00

awww... advice. how touching. but it's all easier said than done, no? besides, i keep thinking the advice you gave is for gals chasing guys. the other way round don't work. i've leanred that the hard way. or maybe i was unlucky. it ain't that easy, at least not as easy as it seems to be. gals can be pretty hard hearted and realistic.. very realistic for some. i never wanted to believe that but i dunno anymore. but really, thanks.

anyway, went back to np the other day. didn't see any old friends. their day was already over, i guess. went back to deliver a book to a friend. normally, i wouldn't bother to especially go back to school just to give something to someone, and i aint even selling it for money. ha. but it's a promise and i don't break my word. told her i'd be a phone's call away and i meant it. also said i'd reserve them french books for her so you can pretty much say i asked for it. =P

pri school crush

2005-08-04T17:20:00.000+08:00

saw that pri school gal i was talking about again. she seems sweeter up close. heh. she happened to drop by and patronise. she was with her mum so i didn't start a conversation with her. doubt i would have started anything even if she was alone. maybe next time, i'll gather all my courage and talk to her.

it's really amazing how people can be so irritating. seems like he/she got nothing better to do then to drop by my blog and try to upset me. interesting... childish, but interesting... as far as the saying goes. sticks and stones can break my bones, but words... well your words can never hurt me.

get a life.

blogging

2005-07-31T01:11:00.000+08:00

i've had enough. i must be stupid or something. the only time she even bothers to msg me is when she needs something. and i do her bidding every single time. why can't i say no. she ain't even worth half my time. i can't stand it anymore. i know i'm over her. but why. why does my heart still curl up deep inside. she ain't beautiful. i've seen tons who are more gorgeous. bother inside and out. i can't stand myself anymore. can't bring myself to sms her. i know when i start, it's all over. gotta get stucked in it again. but i still reply no matter what the time. it just saddens me that the only time she does bother to call, is the time she needs something of the trivial sort and because according to her, i'm the only one who's willing to help. i ain't doing it for the sucking up. i'm doing it because she's asking it. all i get is a simple thank you at the end. i would rather she said nothing at all...

i know it's been a while

2005-07-29T19:53:00.000+08:00

alight, sorry. been too busy with the new stall and everything to blog. heh. looks like it's been months since i wrote soemthing in here. really felt like leaving this alone and have it deleted or something. but it's still here so i might as well write a few lines. ok, maybe a few more since it's been a long time since i blogged.

it seems funny how we remember things after a long time with the sight of something or someone. recently, i've been bumping into this girl. can't say she's the prettiest gal i know but still, you guys must be wondering why she's making it to my blog. heh.

that will take us back to 8 years ago, back when i was 12 and in pri school.(or younger) there was this girl i was really smittened by. i remember when i would peek at her from afar. i wouldn't say stalk, but i would look at her back when she walked home, watching her from beyond the fence, trying just to get another glimpse of her face. i was a silly kid. still am. hehe..

from like a month ago, i saw her on a bus and she just appeared to me as a familiar pretty face, but only today did i realise/remember, she's that girl i was crazy over so many years ago. too bad i still don't have the courage to go up to her and say hi. it just sounds so stupid to go up to her and ask what primary school she was from, knowing the answer. haha!

ok, thats about the only bloggable thing that has happened to me. and thanks for reading.

New blog skin

2005-07-08T14:21:00.000+08:00

ok, spent quite some time editing al the bad grammer and spelling from this blogskin. whew! i like the background instrumental music and the sad overall look this blog has. people who know me know i deal with heartbreak everyday or heartaches. people would think it wouldn't hurt at all by now, but fact is it does. it hurts a hell lot still. and it's the kinda pain that won't go away after taking medicine nor is it the type of pain that will be covered up with more pain by hurting yourself.

don't worry, i won't do anything silly. i'm just here alone with all my hopes half shattered and dealing with my constant issues. sometimes i just feel like swearing and screaming. but i almost always manage to keep it back. not necassarily a good thing though. again, don't worry. i will be fine. i just have to keep holding on to my hopes and wait.

sian

2005-07-05T23:01:00.000+08:00

ok, stopped working already. now am so free. wondering if i should start looking for another job or not. haven been blogging for quite some time now. mainly because there's nothing much to blog about. feel like visiting some old friends back in np but i seriously don't really feel like going back to that school. sad.

started playing maple story again. i guess every1's gonna start calling me childish but i need something to kill time with. gaming is first on my list. still, been getting those sudden attacks of loneliness. seems like i always get those. heh.

games!

2005-06-25T02:24:00.000+08:00

argh! rather not talk about what happened today.

anyways, the game i am sooooooooooooo looking forward to is out in the states for 2 days now. and the store i go to says it will be shipped to singapore only next week. and i assume the pirated ones would be selling at approximately the same time. ok, i've waited 3 months for this game, 1 more week don't matter i guess... man, i'm a game freak! lol

i always try to indulge myself in games, so much so i lose myself from reality. i can always fade into a world where there is room for mistakes and where the hero always wins, so to speak. i guess you can say that i escape into the game world to evade the harsh reality and all. but yea, its the way i choose to live and the games are always there for me. i could always hit the restart button when things dont go my way and i'm not afraid to lose as long as i saved the game before hand. heh. along with a ton of cheats to make "life" easier. games help me kill time and forget my troubles. i'd say.

don't write often

2005-06-23T21:59:00.000+08:00

ok, i'm drafting what i want in a card a few times before i'm actually penning it in the card. haha! reminds me of the old days back in sec school when my fussy english teacher orders us to draft for almost everything. bahhh.

i cant believe its tomorrow! i wonder what will be the expression when she receives my gift. or when she opens the gift. hehehe... ok, im getting too excited. lol. i guess i better chill out. :P

scary phonecall

2005-06-23T19:58:00.000+08:00

i was here minding my own business, playing my game when i received a phonecall from elizae. still can't really make out what the call was about. she called and introduced some of her gal mates and asked me some funny questions. like what is my definition of love. oh well, will get it clarified soon enough. :P

presents

2005-06-21T23:56:00.000+08:00

believe it or not i'm putting a lot of heart and thought into this present im finalising. whew! i'm thinking it will turn out great but i must refrain because it might not and i might get dissapointed. but up till now it's been pretty well and it's 80% complete! heh.

as for me weight loss programm. have been quitting sweet drinks and played some basketball yesterday. will get the statistics up as soon as i can. heh. not that it would be pretty but yea. ^^

the first step

2005-06-21T00:41:00.000+08:00

its not the first time i've decided to go lose some weight but i always backed out last minute. but today was different. i hope i don't lose this motivation. im all sour and tired eventhough i started light. hahaha!

F

2005-06-19T23:19:00.000+08:00

i've been feeling like crap recently, thanks to a certain somebody. why cant she understand that there are just certain songs that i cannot send. some are because of their content rights and can't be played even if i did send them, others just hold so much sentimental value or are just not suited for you. honestly, if i feel that there is no reason why i shouldn't send the song, i would most gladly send it to you in a heartbeat. that one song holds too much meaning for me to send it to anyone. they can acquire it by any other means, i dont care, but i won't send it. i'm sorry for that. like i said to that someone, hate me if you want, i aint sending it to anyone.

maybe i'm just a song downloading machine and since i outlived my worth by not sending her songs, she's kicking me aside. so be it. she's left me to die before. why am i not surprised. i feel so stupid falling and hurting myself over and over again for the same girl. sentimental maybe, most likely stupid. i'm sure everyone who has been here long enough have heard enough about her. and yes, its the same girl. this time round i'm serious. i've wayyy over her.

anyway, am finalizing some1's birthday present. i want it to be extra special. i really hope from the bottom of my heart this person will like the present come this friday. i shall not bother myself with the petty issues and concentrating on enjoying myself and looking forward to wonderful things.

well, i know it's too early to say but i've decided to lose some weight...(ok, enough laughing!) for tons of reasons of course. will keep this issue updated when i've suceeded losing a pound or 2. hee.

work is cool

2005-06-14T23:33:00.000+08:00

been working at this comic shop for 2 weeks now. everything's cool. the pay isn't beautiful but i get to read the comics for free and do almost everything i want there.

nothing really to update about. not much big news in my life. i pressume everyone of my friends are all alive and well. hee. I'm fishing for a present soon enough. somebody's birthday is coming up. but i wonder how i can pass it to her though.

Bball in 5 years

2005-06-08T23:09:00.000+08:00

alright, i've been down for quite some time now. i guess i'm done. went out with some friends and to my surprise, they got me a "get well soon" card. hahaha! it was really thoughtful of them not to mention sweet.

then after that we had nothing to do. town was too crowded as usual, so we went off to another place to chill out. we ended up at some CC playing basketball. man, can u believe it! i haven't touched a basketball in years! 5 to be exact! and hell, i'm rusty. i'm not much of a sports person, but i guess i had to do something to vent it out. been too long since i sweated like that. but i enjoyed myself. besides, i need the exercise! :P lol

for every1 out there that cares, dont worry, im coping well. i'll be fine sooner or later. looking forward to something in 2/3 weeks. =]

Phunk

2005-06-08T00:01:00.000+08:00

ok, i have been really fucked up the past few days. dont bother asking me why. only a hand full of people know about this and i would like to keep it that way. the truth is, i'm so upset i snap at almost anything and everything. people who know me know that i keep most of the stuff to myself and not really tell them to the world. sometimes i do try to but, when i find out the people i can trust are too busy, i just cant bring myself to disturb their busy schedule.

i had a really big arguement with a friend and i feel awfully bad about it. i feel so sorry about snapping at her. when i'm feeling down and awful, its a bad time to talk to me. at least not in a casual conversation. and vulgarities are in me. they were instilled in me while i was growing up. and every word i know came from school.

im not any better after snapping, in fact im worse. i hate this feeling. i hate being like this.

Birthday

2005-05-28T19:49:00.000+08:00

i really enjoyed myself this birthday. met the princess in the afternoon. only found out she stayed up all night when i met her. i feel so bad that she did that to meet me. and i'm touched of course.

she looked beautiful as usual. i beat her at pool twice! hahaha! i wanted to have dinner with her after that but she seemed so tired so i decided to call it a day. she looked so shocked when she found out it was me birthday.

didnt get any presents this year. not physical ones anyway. but if you ask me, today itself is present enough. =]

what a sulking birthday eve

2005-05-27T21:36:00.000+08:00

went out in the evening with some friends to catch a movie. madagascar. nice and funny. you could easily laugh from the beginning to the ending of the movie. the penguins were a hit! they just tickle me funny bone everytime they appear.

well, before and after the movie was hell for me. you guys know how i hate seeing couples with me being single. them being me good friends don't help either. suddenly all those thoughts rushed me. i shall not even begin on what they are. in the end i decided to leave them early and set off for home.

i shall look forward to meeting the princess tomorrow. =]

Today

2005-05-26T21:46:00.000+08:00

Birthday celebrations sort of started. saw 2 movies. 1 with a friend and the other alone. monster-in-law was hilarious! star wars was cool. the special effects are great but i could see how things would end from this episode since its closest to episode 4 (or rather the first episode)

Then i had dinner with some friends i havent seen in a long time. it was really nice seeing them again. we started bitching over dinner and all. all in all, i had a wonderful day. them spending time with me is quite a great present. =]

From princess' blog

2005-05-26T21:43:00.000+08:00

You Are A Social Butterfly

You love your friends so much...
You're motto is "the more, the merrier"!
Making sure everyone's included is your mission
And you always prefer a group of ten to a group of two

What Kind of Friend Are You?

Tough Job

2005-05-22T08:13:00.000+08:00

The job wasn't what i expected. I got sent to OG orchard's children's department. i was told i'm going to be sent somewhere else soon but yesterday alone, i had to stand for 8 hours, not being able to sit down or even lean on something. now my legs are killing me. but i shall perservere! haha! i don't wana quit just like that! i'll take it as a learning curve and kill some time with it. besides, i get paid so i'm not complaining.

got a job

2005-05-20T22:51:00.000+08:00

hey hey! funny lah! 330 today charlene called me and told me to go for an interview at 530 at taka square. i reached there at about 5 and i called the guy. it turns out he was having a smoke outside taka. the interview lasted a little bit more than 1 min. he asked me when am i ready to start work and i answered "anytime". he thought for a while and asked me to report for work tomorrow at 1030 and explained to me briefly what the dress code was like. I think either he's giving charlene a whole lot of face or he is very desperate for help. either way, im happy with the fact that he is hiring me! :D to tell you guys the truth, i'm still kinda stunned right now.

I'm a be"leaver"

2005-05-17T14:59:00.000+08:00

when i'm out with a group of friends or some outing, and i suddenly feel uncomfortable, uneasy or something like that, i'll leave. i see no point in staying when it doesn't make me happy in any aspect.

this morning i went to meet a friend to go down ta east coast. but after i met him, we got messages of people being late. we ended up having breakfast and spending 2 hours+ on our own sitting in mac. which wasn't necessasrily a bad thing. then the gang came and we were all laughing and chatting. it was really cool. then everyone started to split up looking dull. maybe it was the rain and all. i could feel dejection among my friends and i sort of grew dejected myself.

maybe the whole day got better from when i left. i would be happy for them if that happens. it's too bad though. i had such great expectations today. i was so looking forward to it. i guess it didn't turn out half the way i wanted it to.

Happy days

2005-05-16T23:51:00.000+08:00

There was a time when i was a kid, when i look forward to waking up everyday. i would look forward to going to school and the whole day ahead of me. now, i hardly look forward to waking up at all.

But there are times when i look forward to getting up early one fine day when i know i will enjoy myself during the day. going out with friends or a potential girl of my dreams. you know. but other than that, i'd rather just stay in bed. sure, my games keep me company but there are so little games i like and i get sick of them so easily. when i'm fresh outta games, and things to do, i get the sudden attacks of loneliness and i feel all so empty.

I needa occupy myself with something. or someone. definitely someone.

been a while

2005-05-09T23:09:00.000+08:00

it has been so long since i had some intelligient and mutually beneficial conversation. especially on the issue of outer beauty against inner beauty.

this whole world's pretty shallow. every1 judges you by your looks first before judging your character, that is if they decide to jusdge on your character at all. most people just one look and they brand u names. sad, aint it?

i still believe love is blind and all those cliches. so sue me! :P

Another Day

2005-05-05T21:52:00.000+08:00

Caught a movie today on my own. kingdom of heaven. my history is pretty screwed up, especially for europe so i didnt understand much of the setting and all. it was pretty religion based or so i think. it has that "dun blindly follow in religion" theme i like though. overall it was a pretty nice film. i'd give it 3 and a half stars, but hey... i aint no critic.

At night i helped me sister with her math as she's having a test tomorrow. i remember i used to snap at her for asking me stupid qns over and over again even though i told her the answers and explained to her each time. i used to have a real bad temper. now its a hell lot better. least i can tutor her now without losing my temper and makes sure she understands. heh

Thats about it for today. started a bit of planning for my birthday already. hope its nice this year.. been sad the last few...

Back

2005-05-04T18:24:00.000+08:00

Ok, i know i havent blogged in ages but dun blame me, yea. a lot has happened to me since i last blogged and i guess i needed to lose myself for some time. but dun worry, everything is over now, im coping well, i guess. you can say im back in full force, still as love-crazy as ever though :P

For everyone who has shown concern for me the whole time: Thank a million. you know who you are. =D

For this to be a long entry, i'll end with te lyrics of the song i'm listening to now.

So lately, I've been wonderin
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone, you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face
If a great wave should fall
It would fall upon us all
And between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own

If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go

And maybe, I'll find out
The way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days
If a great wave should fall
It would fall upon us all
Well I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you

If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
Runaway with my heart
Runaway with my hope
Runaway with my love

I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart and your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time

If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine
I'll go wherever you will go

Attachment

2005-04-07T20:37:00.000+08:00

I've been too busy and too tired to blog the past week. finally managed some time to write in here. it has been a long week at work. i'm glad it is ending soon... the week at least. i need to rest up and enjoy my weekends, however short it may be.

now that i've begun working, well... technically speaking that is. I feel that me, like most people i know, was watching my life pass me by right in front of me. This may be BS to some ppl but its part of some insights i got at work. I'm not saying im not watching my life pass me by and wasting my time away now. but now i can say everyday is quite fulfilling.

Yes, of course the work is tough, and boring, and yes, of course the time sucks and it aint as easy to get by in the company as in the poly, but at least the people are nice there and from the work i get invaluable experiece.(it was tough moving the knowledge onto the cooperate world. esp. so because i don't pay attention in class.) and i enjoy the lunches i share with the people i met on attachment, especially me brother. sure, walking to the designated place for lunch and scouring for seats are difficult but, it's still fun.

In short, attachment is tough, boring and annoying even. but i find joy in finding joy in adversity.

about that girl

2005-04-01T22:25:00.000+08:00

wanted to tell y'all about this but i guess i didnt have the chance.

Just a few days ago, i fell out with her. i'd rather she hates me and never talk to me again. eventhough i knew it'd hurt, and true enough it does hurt now. but i think its for the best. i've told her before. I have(had) too much feelings for her just to be "friends". Its not as if she didnt see it coming. But i still felt bad about it. Well, i guess this is better than being all wishy washy about it. At least now i need not stare at the phone hoping it would ring, Spending hours looking at nothing just thinking about her. and i can finally put it down for good. I'm trying my best to forget her now...

Am so confused right now. I have enough friends really. friends who don't care, friends who are never there, etc. i have enough. really. Luckily i have my music. Its the only thing that's keeping me company now...

This feeling again.

2005-03-25T21:58:00.000+08:00

Feeling kinda down. Cause unknown. Maybe its something i read, maybe from a song i heard. i dont know. really wish i had something to take my mind off things. and studying is not an option. just dont feel like it, but i seriously need to hit the books.

dunno why im feeling so gloomy. i hope this ends soon. maybe its another rusj of 'em jealousy. or the single blues... I'm trying my best to get out of this il' abyss. The irony. me trying to cheer up everyone around me yet i can't cheer myself up. ha!

The Unfinished Painting

2005-03-23T23:49:00.000+08:00

A youth set out for france with loads of ambition, aspired to become a famous artist. Within a very short period of time, his talent was recognised. But not long after, he reliased that he became motivated by money alone and he was disgusted. He decided to roam the world, drawing sunsets and sceneries at numerous places all over the world, dissapearing for months before returning home.

His wife, the woman who first gave him directions with a warm smile when he arrived in france, knowing neither the people nor language, would greet him everytime he got home from his long absence with that sweet and warm smile. He would complain to himself that "noone understands me".

One day, he returned to his house after a one year absence, only to find the house empty, with his wife no where to be seen. He then found out his wife was hospitalised, with only one month left to live. He reprimended her for not notifying him earlier. her only reply was "I did not want to disturb your work".

Devastated, he wielded his pend once more, drawing the scene through the window of her hospital room. "Take your time to draw, honey. I will not die before you finish this painting" she said with her fragile voice...
Sadly, she did. The painting was never finished.

Now the artist could only weep, gazing upon the half finished painting.

A nice poem

2005-03-22T00:04:00.000+08:00

bouts of jealousy again and again.
feelings of sorrow and tears of pain.
pieces of my heart scattered like grain.
dark clouds gather and then comes the rain.

i wish i was really insane,
then i would feel no sadness or pain.
this is nothing but a game.
i've done my best, but its all in vain.
outside the dark sky continued to rain.
silly me, i was played again...

Felt like it

2005-03-21T00:43:00.000+08:00

A lot of you may alredy know this, but it pains me to see my friends down. when the people around me i care for are sad, it makes me sad too. i'd wish for them to get better, and try to help towrds that at best i can. i don't think the person that influenced me writing this entry would read this, but i just felt like writing about it anyway. but in case you DO read this... I'm here for ya, aite? (tries to speak with an american accent) :P

from mitch : "he may not give excellent advice, but he sure can listen!"

That very well describes me! haha!(but i can give good advice too, ya know?! sometimes...) i may not be able to help by a lot. but if ya need a crying shoulder or listening ear, just count on me! (goes out to all o' my friends out there!)

Remember, i'm here for ya!

Hot and Cold

2005-03-18T23:02:00.000+08:00

You cant trust anyone. it is best not to be close to anyone. friends are impossible to have and not to have at the same time. most i consider friends are just acquantances. i guess. noone's ever there when i need or just too occupied. i'm not blaming them. i agree that having 1 or 2 close friends are more than enough but sometimes i realy wonder if i have 1 at all. it is comfortable to know that i have friends that i know i can count on(supposedly). but i hate it when people i trust turns out to be people i cannot trust at all.

Screwed up world

2005-03-15T22:31:00.000+08:00

People in general are shallow. So shallow that it hurts.

People act all friendly and nice in front of you, but for all you know, they may be talking right behind your back. Bitching about you when u least expect it. I'm not saying it right, but the majority of the world is doing it. I guess it can't be helped. This is one of the reasons why i don't like "friends" or claim that i have none.

I used to be so worked up about stuff like this, but now, i hardly even care. I cant help it when people are or choose to be shallow.

Average day.

2005-03-11T20:13:00.000+08:00

I ran into a princess before class! She seemed really different from how i remembered her. She was damn CUTE today! she was in glasses and formal wear, but she didn't seem like a nerd at all. maybe the old saying is true, a beautiful lady looks good in anything.

The class itself was quite fun, with a practical joker throwing his weights around. he literally left the whole class laughing. But i didn't quite enjoy myself. Reason why i shall not say. The weekends are here. i hope i enjoy it. i hope everybody enjoys it.

I hate it

2005-03-11T00:24:00.000+08:00

Couldn't find anyone to watch a movie with. They either watched it already, or are planning to watch it with someone else. Everybody knows i hate watching movies by myself, but i guess it can't be helped sometimes.

Got yelled at in class for some reason today. didn't quite like it, but i guess i deserve it. i shouldn't care so much about anyone. yeap. i totally deserved it.

i called and tugged but all in vain.
i stood around waiting till it started to rain
u said u'd be fine but how can i walk away with haste?
now i realise, this might juz be called concern gone to waste

This is something my friend came up with. i just thought its pretty nice.

Touching love story

2005-03-10T20:39:00.000+08:00

I just came back from an annual outing to the temple with my family.

Everytime this year, no matter rain or shine my parents would visit and pray at the temple located at Sims drive. That has been the case for almost 30 years now. since 1976. That faithful day 29 years ago, they met each other at the temple. I guess this is just their way of celebrating their anniversary.

I always remembered the day we would have to go to the temple each year but up till a few years ago, i couldn't reall comprehend why. Maybe they didn't disclose it to me, thinking i was too young. I know many of you would think this is silly or whatever, but it just seems so romantic to me, knowing a couple can commit so much. It's comforting to know because my parents quarrel alot. But they are together still for a reason.

Perhaps this is exactly the kind of couple i aspire to be. Simple yet true. I bet this may sound so stupid and boring to alot of you but this is meaningful for me. I may be the only one who still believes in true love but i'm not giving up!

Thoughts

2005-03-09T22:50:00.000+08:00

i don't have anything to blog about. i am full of thoughts but i don't feel like blogging about them. People say i think too much, which is true.

Ouch!

2005-03-04T22:26:00.000+08:00

man! my leg hurts like hell. been to the doctor's today but i can't say it's any better. it still hurts when i move it or use strength. don't know what happened to me. it feels like a sprain but i didn't do anything to cause a sprain. don't know when i will recover. the doctor said to revisit if it doesn't get any better. i think something is broken. but i dun feel like goin for a scan. i hope it's nothing serious.

tuned in to survivor to witness the hunting of snakes and sharks. was watching another snake show so it was amusing. didn't know u could just chop off a snake's head like that. i wonder if i will see them cook the meat they caught. haha!

Back at 3 in the morning

2005-03-04T02:57:00.000+08:00

I cant sleep because of the immense pain from me left foot. at a particular position it won't be so bad, but once i even try to move or use strength, it hurts like hell. guess that is the reason that's stopping me from goin ta bed.

But physical pain is nothing compared to emotional hurt. pain can make me scream in agony at most, but emotional hurt can make u tear at the slightest wound. In the pain on my bed, i kept thinking about this line. i just felt like i should write it down here. don't ask me who or what it refers to.

"I thought that, you of all people would understand."

i apologise for me being eccentric. its just me. i just can't stand it sometimes when things are just so screwed up. one of the main reasons i don't like friends, don't want friends. People are so shallow sometimes, it hurts. and i'm sorry i'm too sensitive. i guess it's just something that defines me.

hmmm

2005-03-04T00:06:00.000+08:00

at approximately 12 today, she called me. i had a feeling it was her, my mind told me to reject the call, but i followed my heart and answered it. i guess i couldn't help it. i was in my bed, ready to sleep. then she asked me to come online and check something for her. me, being the fool that i am, did exactly that. but once i got up, searched for me specs in the dark, turned on the lights, botted up the laptop, and rebooted up the laptop, went online, logged on to cdc website... she said, her friend took care of it for her. great, isn't it?! haha... oh i feel like such a fool.

BAD

2005-03-03T20:50:00.000+08:00

I walked out in the middle of class again. just didn't feel like staying. but i admit, it felt kinda bad when nobody stopped me from leaving (cept the tutor) or asked me why. just no concern at all. haha! i guess i had it coming.

I should have made this a private blog. eventhough very few people come here, its still a public one. since i told so many ppl about it. now i cant say anything about anyone that knows about this blog cause there might be a slight chance that they would read about it.

I hate myself for not being able to snap at the right people. how come i just cant shout back at the bastards that raise their voices at me, or just give that bitch a tight slap when she provokes me. fear? or was i bearing in mind the consequences? I guess i still want them as my friends. they make good companions once in a while, i guess...

Upset

2005-03-03T00:54:00.000+08:00

Class was relatively great today. but other than that, my time in school today was sucky. got upset and pissed, but its all over now.

After school, i went to my favourite comic place to do some reading. i like reading comics for a number of reasons. i get mesmerised and carried away by them so easily. I use them to pass time or read them when im upset. usually it calms me down. my temper comes and goes so its quite alright.

I was reading my heart out when she sms-ed me. somehow... i couldn't help but reply. i shouldn't have, maybe... but i did. again. it wouldn't be a lie to say she brightened my day somehow...

Horoscope analysis

2005-03-01T17:07:00.000+08:00

You are always looking for ways to be of use. You're not terribly concerned about getting credit for your work; you just want to bring a smile to somebody's face each day. Whether that means giving a stranger a sincere compliment or helping an elderly person cross the street, you're always primed for action. Most of your friends program your number on speed dial, knowing they can call on you in any emergency. Open-minded and gregarious, you probably have lots of friends from many different walks of life. Your favorite folks are probably Ariens, Geminis, Leos, and Sagittarians as they share your considerable zest for life. In love, you need more freedom than most people. Make sure your partner is willing to give you lots of space before making a serious commitment.
You're quite adventurous and probably travel a fair amount. Seeing how other people live gives you a profound appreciation for your own culture. There's a good chance that you will work with an overseas volunteer organization at some point in your life. Providing medical care or building homes for people in impoverished countries can give you a profound sense of satisfaction. Alternately, you may provide financial assistance to countries affected by famine, war, or natural disasters. The healing professions probably appeal to you. You'd make an excellent doctor, nurse, or emergency medical technician. Medical research is also a strong possibility for you.
Your biggest challenge is learning to relax. Very often, you're so busy doing nice things for other people that you forget to pamper yourself. Your biggest strength is a genuine desire to help humankind. You make the world a better place.

I hate myself

2005-02-28T22:49:00.000+08:00

I hate myself for being so dilly dally. the hundreds of times i wanted to leave u but i didn't the thousands of times i couldn't resist messaging you and replying to your messages. i know i shouldn't but i did. I just couldn't help it. I hate the times i let myself lose control over my emotions and i hate myself for buying you gifts and presents which would have been better being thrown into the sea. I hate myself most for deciding to leave you yet coming back every single time to have my heart broken to pieces.

Its my fault not hers. I should have listened to my friends. i did, but i failed. I'm trying my best to distant myself from you as much as possible but im not sure if i will suceed this time. maybe this time i can truly be rid of her torture.

Maybe i'm the kind of guy that holds on even to the tiniest glimpse of hope. and maybe i still hope to be something with her. i seriously do not know. Even if i were to let go, who would i love? who can i love? I must seem like a real sucker to her.

PS. To the friends that cared and bitched abt her: thanks a million. and thx princess for the inspiration from ur blog. sorry if it sounds a little similar though...

Sadness

2005-02-27T09:30:00.000+08:00

It's sad i'm writing with a heavy heart.

It's funny how late last night i felt so much like blogging, and yet hours later i have nothing to write. Just hours ago i was overcame with emotions, in fact i still am. But i guess most of it has subsided now, after a night's thinking and self-consolation. Maybe even a few tears. Didn't really sleep much. Kept thinking about her, about us. Kept on looking at the ceiling and around the room and reading at her messages over and over. I was staring at the phone hoping it would ring, hoping she would msg me, and mistaking its her everytime the phone rings. I feel so stupid.

I shall not say here what happened, for it would make no difference. All i can say is that my friends were right. I should have listened to them. I feel like a fool, not just for not listening to the people i trust but for acting so silly too. It's true. All who love are blind.

Fruitful/Fruitless?

2005-02-26T22:45:00.000+08:00

I went to see her again today. It was nice seeing her again. but its too bad i couldnt stay long.

I seriously needa think things through. i don't deserve this. my close friends say she aint worth me time and effort. i sort of agree. deep down inside i know its true. someone said that i should just forget about her if someone new comes along. i'm seriously considering about that. not to sound jerk-ish and all.

I need someone to love. someone to be nice to. to buy considerate gifts for... sorry to sound depressiong but i don't feel that bad...

First time

2005-02-25T16:21:00.000+08:00

I was really indecisive when it came to going all the way down just to say happy birthday. but in the end, i did. i haven't been so happy for a long time now.

I felt uneasy to just visit her empty handed. i spent some time walking around trying to find something that she would like. I found some flowers that looked reasonably well, so i bought them, using almost everything i had. ha! one thing about them was that the flowers were stale. they didnt have fragrance in them, but i was pretty shure they're fresh flowers and not plastic.

On board the train, i could feel people just looking at me, but i made a constant effort to not seem awkward. luckily the flowers came in a bag so it wasnt very obvious that i was holding flowers.

Finally, i arrived at toa payoh. she was not there yet, so i had to wait at the kfc just next to her workplace. ordered a drink (it was about the only thing i could order with my limited "resources" - LOL) and after ten minutes she called me saying she's there now.

There she was, saying hi to me. and yet i couldn't reply anything. even if i did, it was so soft-spoken tat i'm sure nobody would have heard me. i gave her the flowers and wished her happy birthday, not long before i said goodbye. i was just happy that i got to see her again.

In fact, i was so happy, that i got up the wrong train and sms-ed the wrong person. mistakes i dun normally make. just got too excited, i guess. many of you would ask me "what's the big deal?" and i guess you would be right but i just can't help it. afterall, this is the first time i've ever gave anyone flowers...

PS. It's been a long time since i had a optimistic blog entry, hasn't it? :P

Call

2005-02-24T00:45:00.000+08:00

I don't call anyone. at least not on a regular basis. neither do i ask people out. its a bummer on my social life. i do call my friends, but i can count the number of people i call with one hand. sad, isnt it? most of the time, i just don't dare to call my friends. don't ask me why. bad childhood memories, i guess. I do ask people out every now and then. but when i get turned down, it's really a blow to me. I'm trying to open up. i really am. i guess it takes time.

Depression

2005-02-23T16:33:00.000+08:00

I think i'm suffering from depression. I'm sad almost all the time. Maybe i just need a reason to be happy. I need a reason to make me smile. I need a special someone. Someone who im not afriad to call for no reason and just basically bullshit and share all of my worries and vice versa.

i guess i have to keep on searching for that reason to smile. i cant help but feel moody in the process. I apologise for snapping at anyone.

Another bad day

2005-02-22T23:53:00.000+08:00

somehow, every tuesday, if i go for my cca, i will either go home extremely happy, or extremely sad.

ever had the feeling of feeling out of place? its like when you're in this place, and cant help but constantly feel that you don't belong there. I get that feeling alot. maybe it has got something to do with my iferiority issues. Whenever i feel out of place, i would really like to rush back home to my room, hide behind the tv or my laptop. a small incident may leave me down for the while day, or even a few days. sometimes i dun get it. maybe i'm being overly sensitive but i don't understand why people judge me so much. maybe i try too hard, maybe i should open up more. i don't know.

Everyday when i get home, and i can log on to the net, talk to my friends, i'm contented. Everytime i get a phonecall from my friend, either for casual chat or to show concern, i'd be extremely glad. I've made some great friends in this semester, 1 in particular, and i realised how wonderful some of my old friends really are. To these nice and special friends, i would like to thank you. i shall not name you. i believe you know who you are. If you send me messages, call me, sms me, show me concern, etc. its reason enough for me to thank you.

Cheers~!

oh boy

2005-02-19T22:56:00.000+08:00

*sigh*

The untactful way i asked her out.
I was lucky i didn't shout.
I swear to god, the words didn't come.
This would be such a trival task to some.
Maybe it's the way i speak,
I'm just lucky she didn't freak.
It's not everyday you find,
someone that's just so kind.
Her words of rejection didn't hurt,
and it didn't leave me feeling like dirt.
At least now when i say goodbye,
nobody can tell me i didn't try.

PS. 50-70% true but it was inspiration ^^

What are friends for?

2005-02-18T21:17:00.000+08:00

you may already know this but when my friends are down, it brings me down as well. Friends are supposed to share thick and thin. With the closeness of the friendship comes the amount shared. i may not give excellent advice or anything but i can be a really good listener. trust me when i say i feel your pain.

dun worry for making me worry. :P thats what friends are for!

Losing Faith

2005-02-17T01:25:00.000+08:00

I'm really losing faith here! these couple of days been hearing so much negativity about guys.

I used to believe that there are great guys out there. i still do actually. but with each passing day i lose faith at us guys. why do i keep hearing about jerks, freaking bastards and assholes? and as if that isnt enough, i think i had the misfortune of knowing some in person. guys cheating on their girlfriends, two-timing, guys refusing to claim any responsibility... just hearing about what they did makes my blood boil!

I want to believe that there are good guys out there! i know there are! i dun mean to sound boastful or anything, but i believe that i am a nice guy. well, at least i hope so. we seriously just cant help it when some guys out there are just plain jerks! I just feel like beating up all o' them mother fuckers!

Wasted

2005-02-16T20:33:00.000+08:00

I thought of maybe giving her a surprise but instead i surprised myself at how stupid i really am. words cant really express how upset i really am now. Went all the way down to see her only to find out she's somewhere else. and from there, went straight down to see if i can find her, only to find disappointment.

like i said, life is nothing but a roller coaster ride ever since i met her. this time, maybe finally i'm through with her. Maybe. My friends are right. she ain't worth it. i deserve someone better. I know i do. i've been through her before, just that she keeps giving me "hope".

P.S. sorry if this blog makes no sense. just wanted to get something heavy off e chest.

Changes made!

2005-02-16T00:21:00.000+08:00

okay! changed the blogskin and music. hope u guys find it better than the previous one. and ppl who are seeing it for the first time, i hope u like it too. :D

Rotting at home

2005-02-15T14:31:00.000+08:00

Didn't feel like going to school today. woke up feeling quite sore, tired and a bit sick. decided to stay home and skip the early lectures, even the tutorial after that. Till a while ago i was still contemplating whether to attend my CCA later. guess not. Really in one of the moods to do nothing and laze around.

A nice V day

2005-02-15T01:04:00.000+08:00

It's about 1+am now and i just woke up. decided to blog instead of goin back to sleep

I aint exactly a fan of valetnine's days but the one this year was pretty nice. It was nothing special yet it was quite meaningful for me. got a small present from a friend. it cheered the hell outta me. :D Thanks, really.

Valentine's day

2005-02-14T01:28:00.000+08:00

another v day, another lonely day. nothing special yet i cant help but feel sucky about it. it does pain me to see couples pair by pair on the street, in the bus and all but there is nothing much i can do about it. i for some V day is a gimmick for opportunists and merchants to earn more money off flowers. i know there will be people who wont agree with me when i say this but for me, valentine's day is an excuse for guys to give their valentines flowers or to do extremely romantic deeds for their beloveds. or vice versa in japan where ladies make chocolates and give it to their boyfriends or guys they admire. Its like mother's day. any other day when u are abnormally nice to ur mother, she would wonder what happened. sometimes they pass sarcastis remarks like "what did you do last night" (as seen on TV) HAHA... seriously people should treasure what they have, be nice to people dearest to them. (which is also ripped by today's repeat telecast of kindred spirit! which i may add i cried watching!)

I remember me bro ken once told me that everyday can be valentine's day. i replied "easier said than done". Its just like christmas or mother's day(read above). Its true i can make everyday a valentine's day for my special someone but alot of problems will arise. i guess there is still a reason why special days are still special.

Indecisive

2005-02-13T14:51:00.000+08:00

At 1.42pm today i struggled about going to town or not. whether to spend all the money i have on flowers and going all the way down just to give them to her on valentine's day eve. i would have but i didn't. tons of reasons or excuses. depends on how you see it. Tomorrow is valentine's day again. i wonder if i should buy and give out rochers like i did last year. :S

sometimes

2005-02-12T22:01:00.000+08:00

sometimes i really wish there was someone i can confide in. someone i would not hesitate to call. Its hard to find someone you really trust and who happens to be always there for you. When things happen, i used to look for someone to talk to, share my woes, but nobody was there. and when they are finally free, its bottle up so much i dun really feel like bringing it up again. even if i do, i just cant find the chance or the reason to say it out. i guess it became a habit. my friends seem busy enough as it is. dun like to bother them. i'll just continue to bottle them up.

1st day of the lunar new year

2005-02-09T23:44:00.000+08:00

Had to wake up early to go "ang-pao hunting". Visited me relatives. Only see them once a year. this is a special year since this is the first time ever i played majong there, or anywhere else for that matter. its sad i didnt win anything at all and still cant make out the rules but i'm getting better, i think... :P the rest of the say was basically TV and everything wa alright. Late at night i conversed with her again. for the friends that know this story, its the girl that gave me hope and took it away and then gave it to me and shattered it... so on so forth...yea, that one. hmmm... dunno what to think anymore... and i shall not think too much.. i will just try to enjoy the rest of this long break. someone who reads this blog pl remind me to do my e learnings and quizes. thank you!

screwed

2005-02-06T18:34:00.000+08:00

i'm so hooked on "all out of love" by air supply recently. kept on listening to it over and over. it just gets to me. wanted to do project today but have yet to start on it. and its due tomorrow. what the hell. now i still have to run errands. I guess i woke up with something sour from last night but brushed it off soon after. im just so petty sometimes, but i really hate people coming on to me with attitude. for the record, im nice to people who are nice to me. and the same goes for the negative. i should just forget it. concentrate on my project after i finish running my errands.

Friends II

2005-02-02T23:00:00.000+08:00

I don't need to tell you how important friends are. They come in all shapes and sizes. There are ones in which u call daily, for no reason at all. There are some you can't really stand but it does not amount to get on your nerves yet. And of course, there are those you don't contact in a regular basis but u know somewhere deep inside that they are there for you whenever you need, and that they are just a phone's call away. For some of my friends, i am just that kind of friend. I have a lot of friends, but sadly that is it. It always stops there. Maybe i lack the social skills, or maybe i am afraid, not taking the initiative most of the time. But I do have close friends and there are people i call brothers, sisters, daughters even. But how i long for someone who would be there for me whenever i need, to stand by me even if i was wrong or at fault. Someone whom i can call for no reason. Someone who would share my joys and sorrows, for i would do the same. A best friend. The best friend. My best friend.

Thinking of her at 3 in the morning

2005-02-01T03:13:00.000+08:00

I know i shouldn't but i am. She has someone next to her already, leaving no room at all for me in the picture. Everytime i see them together, it hurts me more. Here i am trying to climb out of the pit, only to find myself slipping deeper and deeper. The darkness is just too much to take. In front of me are two options. Wait aimlessly, hoping and praying that they would end their relationship. Or leave to seek someone else. I ain't the type to go in between two people. On one hand, i feel happy seeing her happy. Yet on the other, i can't help but feel so sad inside. Not a day passes by without me cursing and swearing inside why i didn't know her earlier. Maybe if i was there for her from day one, things would be different now. But then again, what do i have to offer her? Maybe love is just full of contradictions. Cant stop thinking of her as i listen to this song. Tears but inches away from falling down. "Why - 98 degrees"

New TV

2005-01-30T16:24:00.000+08:00

Finally i bought a new one. Ever since that old one broke, i didn't have much to do. But now i'm afraid i will be too engrossed playing my games and watching TV than studying. Haha...

Touched

2005-01-30T01:07:00.000+08:00

There were time i gave my heart away, only to have them broken to pieces. I may not show it, but it takes a while for me to glue them back again. and when i do, it just get broken again, leaving me to die, killing me softly. Sometimes i wonder why i even try.
But that aside, i have to thank someone tonight. I know even if i thanked her a million times, it would still not be enough to express me gratitude. Clare, really, thank you. If not for your kind words and concern, i would still be down. And er... sorry about not telling you who she is. I cant tell you just yet.
We meet tons of people. Some we like, some we don't. Some makes an impact in our lives while others fail to. There was someone who gave me hope and took it away, then gave it back and shattered it, breaking my heart to pieces in the process. There was someone who saw me down and lifted me up, showed me the light when i couldn't see, or refused to see. Different people touch my life differently. I guess its what makes life beautiful.

Insecurities

2005-01-27T13:50:00.000+08:00

Everybody has a past. Something they won't tell to just anyone. It could be some deep dark secret, or a fairy tale love story that had to end. Whatever the case, you can always see the after effects. People change because of those experiences. If you are lucky enough to have known that person long ago, you can tell how much he has changed and even know as to the reasons why. For the others that are not so lucky, you will only learn of it if he/she decides to tell you, or it depends on how observant you are. Some people are very good at hiding their feelings, choosing to bottle everything up. I am one such person, i guess. I don't know if i should blame it on my inability to express myself correctly. I've never shared my bad experience with any of my recent friends. That includes all of my poly friends, both new and old. Not even to my best friend. All i can say is that those times were hell on my self esteem and confidence. It was so many years ago. I wish i could put it behind me but i cant, however hard i try to. I act all cheerful and crack jokes all the time, maybe just to attract attention just to fit in. To generate laughter alone makes me feel good. But sometimes when my words fail to deliver, and nobody laughs, i get disheartened again. Down to nothing, I'm just an insecure fool. Sometimes i feel i bottled too many things up, so much so i have no room for anything else. I want to share my woes, but yet i am unwilling to burdern my friends. And on top of that, i have this inability to express myself that developed over the years. It's so hard to find that someone you can trust and when i do, i don't know what to say or rather how to say it. Friends ask me why I'm always sad and yet i don't know how to answer. HA! But i get by, i guess. This self esteem/inferiority issue is something i have to live with. Maybe someday i will get through it. For the time being, I Shall continue being the Daniel Everyone knows. Continue laughing, bringing laughter. (i hope) But for the record, i did not say all these for sympathy. I just felt i needed to lift some things off my chest and out of the bottle. Maybe to make room for more troubles! :P
"You don't think i've been through hell because I seem happy and well"

First entry: Friends

2005-01-27T01:24:00.000+08:00

Ever had a bad day? Well i just had one. Nothing went wrong to make it that way, yet nothing went right to make me smile. I still can't believe how i just walked out of class. So much disrespect, so utterly bad on my part. Maybe it was the lack of sleep. Maybe it was the hunger. Maybe i just did not like today's class. Or maybe it's a little of all three. Classes are never great, but to walk out just like that is totally unacceptable! i know that. Yet i did. I do not know if i was missed, but i was told i shocked everyone. Funny enough, i was ok not long after i boarded the bus. I guess I'm just your a tempermental guy. My anger comes and goes pretty easily. It takes the slightest things to piss me off sometimes. But the slightest show of concern can cheer me up. Just simple words with little or no deeper meaning. Words like "are you ok", when asked in a caring way can mean so much to me. All in all, I'm too sensitive for my own good. But one thing is for sure, I have the greatest friends. Friends that would cheer me up, friends that would share both my sorrow and joy, eventhough i always choose to keep the sad things to myself. Friends are people I do not want to burdern. Knowing they care is good enough. For my friends that read this blog: THANK YOU!